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Writer's pictureMs. Freda Rae

Establishing Boundaries in Dating: Respecting Yourself and Your Partner




So, here’s the story….

Laci connected with Sean on a dating app.  He saw her profile and reached out.  They exchange phone numbers so they could text.  About a week into getting to know her, he texts her at 1:35 am and says, “Hey Babe, Can you talk?”  She texted back, “you’re waking me up.  It is 1:35am and no I am not able to talk.  I don’t want to talk.  I want to sleep.  Don’t text me.”

He said, “Why are you so upset.  I didn’t know that a simple ping of the phone would wake you.” 

Her response was, “Are you really trying to carry on a conversation with me this time of morning after I just told you… I am asleep.   Dude, I don’t even know you and you are texting me this early, calling me Babe, and now you want to give me push back about the fact that this is a problem for me.  What is wrong with you?”

So, what is wrong?

Well, dating can be a thrilling journey of getting to know someone new, but it can also be a delicate dance of establishing and respecting boundaries.

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define what is acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship. They are crucial for maintaining a healthy and respectful connection with your partner. Here are some tips on how to establish your own boundaries and respect your partner's boundaries when you are starting to date:

  1. Know Yourself: Before you can establish boundaries, you need to know what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Take some time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and personal limits. This will help you set clear boundaries from the beginning.

  2. Communicate Openly: Communication is key in any relationship. When you are dating someone new, it's important to communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully. Be honest about your needs and expectations and encourage your partner to do the same.

  3. Listen Actively: Just as you want your boundaries to be respected, you should also respect your partner's boundaries. Listen actively to what they are saying and respect their limits. Avoid pressuring them into doing something they are not comfortable with.

  4. Set Limits: Boundaries are not just about what you are not willing to do, but also about what you need from your partner. Set limits on how you want to be treated and what you expect from the relationship. This will help ensure that your needs are met and that you are both on the same page.

  5. Be Flexible: While it's important to have boundaries, it's also important to be flexible and willing to compromise. Relationships require give and take, so be open to discussing and adjusting your boundaries as the relationship progresses.

  6. Respect Each Other's Privacy: Everyone has the right to privacy, even in a relationship. Respect your partner's privacy and avoid prying into their personal affairs without their permission.

  7. Seek Support if Needed: If you are struggling to establish or respect boundaries in your relationship, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate the complexities of dating and develop healthy boundaries.

In conclusion, establishing and respecting boundaries is essential in any relationship, especially when you are starting to date someone new. By knowing yourself, communicating openly, and respecting each other's limits, you can build a strong and healthy foundation for a fulfilling relationship.

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And, guys…never call someone in the middle of the night unless you’ve established a relationship with them and know that this is acceptable behavior.  That is guaranteed not to win points.

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